My breath is weak and I can barely open my eyes to see what is happening in the world around me. I have no real friends or relatives left to visit me. I am just an old man left alone in a hospital room. I inevitably start to think about my life. What I have achieved, how many people I have met, how many lives I have impacted. My breath gets weaker, my body goes limp, my bowels release, and the heart monitor beside the bed flat lines.
And the earth keeps spinning, the universe keeps expanding, people come and go and I am just forgotten forever. The reason however I decided to start my article this way is because I want to discuss the importance of living a life where our acts can support a really critical need — The need to be remembered.
You read all those books from renowned and successful people, you spent countless hours dissecting articles that show you ways to evolve as a person and you try to apply everything you learn to your everyday endeavors. You do all these so that you can actually stand out from the crowd and transform from nobody to somebody — Somebody who will be remembered. What actually happens is that you pour your heart and soul into your personal development and no one seems to care.
You try to discuss with your close friends the latest article you read on meditation and spiritual enlightenment and the only thing you get in return is yawns and disinterest. You post a famous quote or an interesting research on your Facebook wall but no one responds.
No comments, no likes, no shares, nothing. You walk on the street wearing the new fancy clothes you bought in order to upgrade your style and you also pay attention to your every step in order to project the image of a confident and congruent man, but no one seems to notice. It can change. You have to touch people so deeply, connect with them so powerfully that your ideas are burned into their minds. Next time you walk down a busy street I want you to pay close attention to the people around you.
Unfortunately, they are not. They are like zombies moving around without a real purpose, acting passively on whatever their life throws at them. Just try and notice their eyes. Somewhere along the way, their mind and heart and soul drifted off to sleep, and their body is operating on autopilot, keeping them alive until something interesting happens. If you want interaction, interest and possibly even deep connection with them, you have to break them out of their stupor.
You have to pump some freaking life back into their veins, so just for a few minutes, they can be human again. We are all random entities wandering around on a huge pile of chemical substances desperately looking for answers. Therefore our only purpose is to seek out activities that remind us how good it feels to be alive. But you're not going to necessarily remember purple bow tie guy. I don't know why that was the first thing I thought of. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Because I just feel like magicians have very like interesting flamboyant colored ties and Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Neck ties and whatever.
That's just the [indiscernible] []. Jordan Harbinger: [] Probably they do. Purple wouldn't be such a standout. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] It wouldn't be as strange.
So being memorable means being different. Different is relative to context. But just like vulnerability, this principle can cut both ways because you can stand out from your surroundings in a way that creates a lasting positive impression. But you can also stand out in a way that creates a lasting negative one. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Thank you so much for paying off the magic thing.
No, it's not weird because you brought it back again. But also, if you're at a mixer where they're serving alcohol, which happens sometimes I think, like I had a professional mixer. Jordan Harbinger: [] Yeah, if you want people to go and stay, they serve alcohol. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] I think they used to do that at some of the job, not fairs but like firms would have dinners and they would serve alcohol.
So you could be the guy who has a glass of wine and is friendly and fun to talk to and talks about wine and connects with somebody over that. Or you can be the guy who has like four glasses of wine and gets like kind of hammered at the professional event. In both cases you're working against your context, but in one case it can be a disaster and the other is. Jordan Harbinger: [[ I will never forget a guy drinking too much, wasn't wine. But he goes, this is a recruiting event for a firm.
Jordan Harbinger: [] Yeah, yeah, and I looked at the guy next to me, my colleague, and him and I looked at each other and we're like, we had no idea how to react. You know what I'm saying? What do we even do right now? What do we do right now? Who is this person? Please don't work here. Jordan Harbinger: [] And this is well before, this is when like sexual harassment on Wall Street was like considered just bro culture.
Now it's Jordan Harbinger: [] Much worse. But we all knew better than that. We all knew better than that. None of us were ever thinking about hooking up with someone from work. That was insane. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] So I don't think this is rocket science, but the key to avoiding that pitfall is just self-awareness. It's just understanding your own psychology and what's appropriate given the context.
You have to understand yourself to know how your words and actions are going to play. An edgy joke at a funeral that could come across as witty and kind of charming or it could come across as inappropriate. It depends on your relationship with the person, depends on the joke you're telling, it depends on the people who are attending the funeral. An offhand remark in a meeting, well that could come across as spontaneous and honest, or it could come across as rude and insubordinate.
So there are so many situations, they're all different. We couldn't possibly cover them all. But I think just that self-awareness is pretty much the guiding principle to make sure you land on the right side of that.
Jordan Harbinger: [] And if you're not sure you have enough self-awareness, air on the side of less is more with contrast. A little contrast can go a long way. No, let's not do that. Let's not do that. Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Yeah, and also time I think is an interesting variable. I mean when you are the new person at an office and you're sitting in on a team meeting for the first time, probably not a good look to bust out the inappropriate comment on your first day or like the edgy comment or the honest remark, fill it out, build a little bit of trust, understand your position and the tribe.
Get to know the vibe in the office. Like six months later, a year later saying the exact same thing could be what sets you apart or makes you valuable to the team once you understand how it functions in that environment.
But if you do it too soon, too quickly without appreciating the circumstances, then it can misfire. Jordan Harbinger: [] Oh yeah. I've also done this in my law career. The example doesn't matter, but basically the HR gal who had a crazy stick up her bummed the entire summer that I was at this one firm, this British law firm, surprise. The other associates in the room that had been there for years. They thought it was hilarious and talked about it afterwards.
That's pretty funny. So you have to be much more careful and I think that's obvious, but here's the problem. I want to do it early. It's not going -- it's never too late to try to stand out a little bit in a workplace environment. Those comments can come to define you if they happen too quickly as opposed to being taken in context of the total person you are.
Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Yes, great way to sum that up. But what I love about what you're saying, and I think this is a nice place to land on this whole topic because we've been talking about how to become more memorable, how to be truly unforgettable, not in a short term, easy way, but in a meaningful long term way.
And it's really important I think to remember that you will never make an impression on everybody for all the reasons you want a percent of the time. Sometimes you will fail to make an impression for reasons that you don't understand, and sometimes you will be unforgettable for the wrong reasons. Sometimes you'll be unforgettable for reasons you didn't even expect.
So at a certain point, even though this whole Deep Dive was about how to become more unforgettable, you have to kind of relinquish control at the end of the day over how everybody is going to remember you. Because to try to control everybody's impressions of you is just an act of insanity.
It's impossible. A, it's stressful. B and C, it hooks into our deepest insecurities about controlling every possible interpretation people can have about who we are, and navigating the world in that way is stressful, and it's impossible. It just doesn't end up working. So to become truly unforgettable, and this is what I think I've really realized from talking this out with you, is that you have to take risks, you have to make mistakes.
Some of the most interesting examples we've talked about today have been moments that I think were mistakes that made us realize these lessons. And you have to learn from those mistakes as you calibrate the impression that you make. That's just part of the process and it's essential, without it, I don't think you can be unforgettable. Jordan Harbinger: [] Again, we're going to be walking through this a lot in our live events. If you have a chance to attend, you can find out more about those at advancedhumandynamics.
Gabriel Mizrahi: [] Thanks for making all my weird references come back over and over, I like it. So if you've read a bunch of articles on silly blog sites, like here's how you be unforgettable, you can sort of forget a lot of that stuff and you can start to apply what actually works, what is science-based, and that's what we try to do here at Advanced Human Dynamics and on the Jordan Harbinger Show.
So you hope you enjoyed that. I know Gabriel and I certainly enjoyed making it happen for you. And if you want to learn how I book the great guests that you hear on the Jordan Harbinger Show, how I manage hundreds slash thousands of connections and relationships using simple systems, tiny habits in just minutes per day, check out our Six-Minute Networking Course.
This is the stuff I wish I knew a decade ago. Go to jordanharbinger. Don't put it off. Don't kick the can down the road. You've got to dig the well before you're thirsty. Once you need those relationships, it's too late. So go ahead and go to jordanharbinger. It is a game changer. I'm jordanharbinger on both Twitter and Instagram. And don't forget, if you want to learn how to apply everything you've heard from Gabriel and I today, make sure you go grab those worksheets also in the show notes at jordanharbinger.
Show notes are by Robert Fogarty. The fee for the show is that you share it with friends when you find something useful, which should be in every episode. So please share the show with those you love and even those you don't. We've got a lot more in the pipeline. Very excited for what's coming down. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.
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In addition, we may litigate in court to seek injunctive relief. Passion is a universally appealing trait in someone, and you'll be remembered all the better for it. Embrace your personal eccentricity. Let's face it; no one ever made a permanent impression on someone without being at least a little weird and off-key. Even if you're a paragon of averageness, there's almost certainly a subset of yourself you would usually prefer to hide away from the world. In that case, you should do everything you can to bring that part of you to the forefront.
The best way to unlock this side of yourself is through placing yourself in unfamiliar situations. Without habits to fall back on, you may find yourself acting in ways you never thought plausible before.
Eliminate self-doubt. With confidence and some healthy eccentricity in place, it's time to remove any doubt from the equation. No matter how sure of yourself you are, there is always the chance when heading off the beaten path that you'll doubt what you're doing.
If you're looking to be truly unforgettable, you'll be carving out a unique path for yourself in the process. It will be natural to have reservations, but it's important to keep your sights set on the goals ahead of you. Part 2. Dress to fit your personality. As it happens, the way you dress and physically present yourself has a crucial impact on the way you are manifested in someone's memory.
In most situations, it is recommended you dress cool but casual, and to fit your body type. If you're looking to be truly unforgettable however, you may want to go a step further. For instance, wear an otherwise respectable outfit, then throw a neon-coloured boa scarf around your neck.
Everybody likes an oddball. Relax your social filter. There is certainly a strange side to you; it's just a matter of trying to bring that side to the forefront. Relaxing your social filter when interacting with people, if only slightly, will make you stand out in their minds much more easily. Got a weird or off-kilter thought on your mind? Don't be afraid to speak it! Most of the time, you'll find people are at least pleasantly amused, if not enthralled by a fresh idea or opinion.
On the other hand, try not to be too crude, unfriendly or vulgar with your weirdness. It may still make you unforgettable, but probably not in the ways you're looking for. Exhibit positive body language. Among these, welcoming body language is a universal form of communication, and will innately make people feel more drawn to you. Remember to smile!
Smiling is your best physical asset If you're not usually prone to smiling, try smiling a lot more. In time, it'll start becoming a natural reaction to things that make you happy. Make plenty of eye contact. You should not be afraid of losing control. On the contrary, let it go. To achieve this, the key is to breathe well, and to let your body act naturally.
It is when, even if you belong to a group, you keep something special that defines you and anyone else. Unforgettable people are those who achieve uniqueness without being considered eccentric or fanciful.
They have an authentic background in contrast with those who have a brilliant but classic one. We identify with them, saying that it would be something to have their life.
And when you are out of the ordinary, people are attracted by you as they are by the sun. It is through your eyes that you are going to convey the most feeling.
It is a charismatic look, outgoing, with some admiration, in contrast to an evasive look, full of stress or bad feelings. To be unforgettable to your interlocutor, the specialist of non-verbal communication Caroline Messinger advises: — Allow a moment of silence before answering him or her; in doing so, your eyes will be the first communication element, before your voice. It will have much more impact. To find it, you have to work at it.
Exercise yourself. Take from five to ten minutes to try. Read a text aloud and change the tone of your voice to better express the emotion that you want to convey. At work or at play, if you stumble across the grouch, or the girl that takes herself very seriously, what do you do? You have to avoid him or her. If you want to be remembered, you should leave a positive impression. Your fatal weapon is your smile. You have to take the drama out of your everyday life. You have to prefer relaxed relationships, particularly at work.
The best way to make your lover remember your lovemaking is to consider it a game! So have fun.
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